Lately, I have been receiving quite a few inquiries asking for new crochet video tutorials. So many of you have been kind and thoughtful to reach out to ask if everything is ok simply because I haven’t posted videos or new content for a while. A lot has been happening and many of the recent events have made it difficult to find time to post or film.

We are halfway through a rough year.

Covid quarantine had already hindered my video production because it was difficult to film, travel, get together with my parents to help with my posts. During this time, Nate and I noticed Nas was not meeting his baby/toddler milestones. We chalked it up to being so isolated from other kids and lack of activities because who has any data about raising babies during a pandemic? Naturally, we didn’t want to think there was anything amiss, but over time we noticed Nasir was falling further and further behind on meeting these markers. He wasn’t responding to his name when called, he was transfixed on specific shows, his attention span was non-existent, he had no fear of danger, he wouldn’t parallel play, didn’t listen, didn’t make eye contact, began hitting aggressively because he was unable to communicate only a few words, he had very little verbal skills and much of what he gained would be lost after one or two days. Yet, here he is so silly, adventurous, funny, smart and just being our cute little Nasir in so many other remarkable ways, we didn’t know if these things we were observing were ok or should we be concerned? He is our first child, so we had no way to fully know.

One or two of these things would be no cause for alarm, but we started adding up more and more then questioning more and more until we couldn’t deny the fact that we might be dealing with something more than just the lack of socialization because of the stay at home order.

Tests, Tests, and more Tests

We took Nas to doctor after doctor, therapist after therapist and to make a long story short, the doctors and specialists have told us he is on the Autism Spectrum. In some of his abilities, he is excelling and is testing in a much higher percentile. In other ways, he is testing quite low. He is struggling with language the most which he is currently testing at an 8-9 month level. He is almost 26 months old at the time I’m posting this. Nate and I felt heartbroken at first, but not for long. We put ourselves into 5th gear and did all the things within our power to make things easier for Nas.

Our lives are turned upside down

We have speech therapy and occupational therapy in home (Finally! It was virtual for the first few months because of Covid) The therapists we have in-home were instrumental in pointing us in the right direction to get Nasir the help and support he needs. We were recently approved for even more early intervention programs which we have learned are extraordinary in what they are able to do to help Nas. We are hopeful and optimistic. Although we have to wait a short bit to enroll him for those programs, there is a beginning in sight!

Oh my heart…

Nasir is our whole world. His struggles and his energy have kept our hands and hearts full. There has been little to no time to do more than take care of him, keep up with his never-ending energy, and get him the best resources we can to help him navigate this challenging path. Our entire life has been devoted to his care and to the success he can achieve by this early intervention. I know that this is a process and I have to trust the process, but I am not going to lie, I have cried a million tears, I have filled out thousands of pages of paperwork, I have made a hundred phone calls and some days it still doesn’t feel like enough. I have some serious mom guilt. I can’t even describe it. We are tired, worn out, frustrated at times, hard on ourselves, you name it, we have felt it. I don’t leave the house for days because it’s just too much. We go to my parents’ house for a break from time to time because they are such a big help for us when we are exhausted.

This has tested us as parents, it has tested us as a husband and wife. But at the end of the day, we have this incredibly sweet boy who needs us SO much. Our hearts explode with the love and need to keep him safe and happy and do whatever we can to get him to reach all of his potential. One day, we are hopeful that we may hear him say Mama and Dada..

One day at a time

I haven’t forgotten about my YARNutopian family. Quite the contrary – in fact, I actually feel so anxious to get back to my crochet, but I simply have to sacrifice something in order to manage life right now. I am still working, but very minimally. I still check in every day and post older links to some fun patterns I’ve shared in the past. I have great expectations in the mornings, but by mid-day I am wiped out by the challenges we have in our home at the moment. This is hard.

I am currently working on a new crochet project. It’s going at a snail’s pace, but it is going. I am trying to navigate this new chapter of our lives while giving myself some grace to be ok with the status quo. When the time comes, Nasir will have some one-on-one time with specialists who will provide what he needs to help him talk and reach his goals, then I will have a few hours each day of respite to get back to crochet. In the meantime, I appreciate your patience, support, and understanding as we keep moving forward. Please continue to watch my videos, visit my blog, and support my pages. I promise, I will be back.

With love and hugs,
Nadia