I Know I’m Not Alone

I Know I’m Not Alone

I am typically pretty upbeat and positive by nature. I have had to overcome a lot in the past decade, and I have spent some of that time feeling situational depression due to battling illness, surgery, dealing with body issues from having so many scars and a permanent ileostomy.  When I found out I was able to get pregnant, and subsequently carry this baby, I was over the moon! Depression wasn’t even on my radar at that time.

I Knew It Wasn’t Going To Be Easy

I am extremely high risk. I have a team of doctors and specialists across three hospitals that will be involved in bringing this baby into the world safely. Of course, I am a bit nervous, but I also have great faith and trust in this team to do everything to help bring this baby boy into the world, keeping us both healthy and happy.

Here’s where I struggle. I am supposed to be happy. I AM happy. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to feel baby move and happy to know I will hold him in just a few short months. However, what is happening to my body is bringing me so low. I am just not feeling overall happy, and I didn’t expect that.


A Complex Medical History

Without delving too deep into the graphic details, I’ve had 14 surgeries which have left my entire abdomen full of scars. I have numerous scars running up and down, diagonally, and across my torso. Drain scars, former ostomy scars- just scars, scars, scars! Following one surgery, I had a serious infection so my abdomen had to be re-opened, and I was put on a wound vac to help heal by secondary intention. That process left my tummy full of puckered and thick scar tissue. All this scar tissue causes adhesions. As my abdomen stretches, the scar tissue is stretching and tearing both on the surface and internally. It has been challenging to deal with. This, along with changes in my ostomy with my intestine prolapsing outside my body, has left me feeling depressed over all these reminders that my body isn’t quite the same as others.

Pre-Partum Depression

This pre-partum situational depression has hit me hard. I am struggling with my body and disease and with my hormones running amok. I have found myself in tears quite a bit lately. I am not writing to complain, NO, but to confront what is happening to me and to share this with others who may struggle with these same feelings during pregnancy or at any time. I know that this is supposed to be the most blessed and happy time of my life, so why am I feeling so blue? I don’t have the answer.

Crochet IS Therapy

During this time, my comfort and refuge is found in my craft. I am so grateful for a loving and supportive husband and the support of a fantastic family, but when I am alone, I find solace in the stitches and the repetitive nature of crochet to help distract and focus my mind on something other than these feelings and the pain from my scars.

Lately, I have been working on so many crochet projects for not only my little guy, but also for my sister-in-law who had a baby girl in January. My niece is the perfect model! These projects, alongside my work here at YARNutopia, has given me a deepened purpose, and these goals have helped me focus on more than the issues I am dealing with.



I know I’m not alone. I know that this is only temporary. I know this is a very small price to pay for bringing my baby into the world. I know I have support and love of an amazing husband, family, and community. I know all these things. I also know it is ok to feel. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to hurt. It is ok to ask for help. It is ok.

After spending a little time yesterday on self-care – I bought myself some springtime flowers to brighten my home, I did some retail therapy and bought myself a few feel-good things, I had my nails done, I took a long walk in the sunshine, a short drive and played my favorite music, and I talked for hours with my mom-I am happy to say that I feel a little better. Today has started off on a good foot and writing this has helped. Also, it has helped to be working on some crochet projects, and I went to brunch with Nate. Each day may present a challenge, but I am thankful be able to face each one in strength and resolve and overcome those challenges!

Share with us:

Please share your stories of pre-partum or post-partum depression or your struggles with feeling out of control. Share your stories of how crochet has brought you comfort during a time of need.

Thank you for letting me share.

Be love, Be light.


Crochet Tutorial: Sparkling Wine Beverage Bag

Crochet Tutorial: Sparkling Wine Beverage Bag

Learn how to make this Sparkling Wine Beverage Bag using cable crochet! Making the party rounds during the holiday season? Why not wrap up a special bottle of your favorite beverage in this Sparkling Wine Beverage Bag?! The host/hostess of every event you visit this Christmas will be charmed by this lovely touch and elegant presentation.


Follow along with this video tutorial to learn how to make this beverage bag:

My dad will continue to be the videographer, editor, and photographer for our videos when I move away.
Support YARNutopia today so we can continue to bring you clear, quality crochet tutorials even after I move into my new home!
There will be an added expense of more travel and hopefully this won’t deter our ability to provide consistent videos on a weekly basis.

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**You can always contact me via Facebook if you have any problems with the pattern. I am happy to help if you have any questions along the way.

***These patterns are copyright YARNutopia © so PLEASE DO NOT COPY, SHARE, ADJUST OR RESELL MY PATTERN. I wrote and tested this pattern myself, from beginning to end. It took a lot of time and work, and I would really like to have it remain “my pattern.”

***You can sell anything you make from my patterns, please just link back to my website YARNutopia.com. Thank you!

Teacher: Nadia Fuad
Video and Editing: Fuad Azmat (My Daddy)
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Designed by Nadia Fuad
You *may* sell items made from my pattern, but please reference my website YARNutopia.com.
Please do not copy, sell, and/or post this pattern and claim it as your own.


**Click here for the full kit of supplies!**

Red Heart Yarns Holiday in Aran/Gold
G/6-4.25mm crochet hook
Yarn Needle

-Make the piece flat that will wrap around the bottle
-The bottom of the bottle circle is made separately and sewn to the piece.
-This piece is seamed down the back
-This bag is 11 inches (28cm) long

Special stitches:
Ch(s): chain(s)
YO: Yarn Over
St(s): Stitch(es)
Sl st: slip stitch
SK: Skip
SC: Single Crochet
HDC: Half Double Crochet
FPDC: Front Post Double Crochet
BPDC: Back Post Double Crochet


If you have any confusion or difficulty with reading this pattern, please watch the video tutorial to have visual instructions.

Ch 34
Row 1: HDC in 3rd ch from hook and across. Ch 1, turn. (33 sts)

Row 2: HDC in 13 sts, [FPDC in next, HDC in next] 4 times, HDC in last 12 sts, ch 1, turn.

Row 3: HDC in 13 sts, [BPDC in next, HDC in next] 4 times, HDC in last 12 sts, ch 1, turn.

Row 4: HDC in 13 sts, FPDC in next, HDC in next, Sk 2 sts, FPDC around FPDC, HDC in sk’d HDC, FPDC around sk’d FPDC, HDC in next, FPDC in next, HDC in next 13 sts, ch 1, turn.

Row 5: HDC in 13 sts, [BPDC in next, HDC in next] 4 times, HDC in last 12 sts, ch 1, turn.

Row 6: HDC in 13 sts, Sk 2 sts, FPDC around FPDC, HDC in sk’d HD, FPDC around sk’d FPDC, HDC in next, Sk 2 sts, FPDC around FPDC, HDC in sk’d HDC, FPDC around sk’d FPDC, HDC in last 13 sts, ch 1, turn.

Row 7: HDC in 13 sts, [BPDC in next, HDC in next] 4 times, HDC in last 12 sts, ch 1, turn.

Row 8-11: Repeat rows 4-7

Rows 12-15: Repeat Rows 4-7

Rows 16-19: Repeat Rows 4-7

Row 20: HDC in 13 sts, [FPDC in next, HDC in next] 4 times, HDC in last 12 sts, ch 1, turn.

Rows 21-30: HDC across, ch 1, turn.
Fasten off with long tail.

Bottom part of bag:
Ch 4, sl st to 1st ch to form ring.
Rnd 1: Ch up 3, (Counts as DC), 11 DC into ring, sl st to ch up 3 (12 sts)
Rnd 2: Ch up 3, DC in same st as sl st, 2 DC in each st around, sl st to ch up 3 (24 sts)
Rnd 3: Ch up 3, DC in same st as sl st, *DC in next st, 2 DC in next st, repeat from * around, sl st to ch up 3, fasten off with long tail. (36 sts)

Sew the back seam closed, then sew the bottom of the bag to the bag bottom. Weave in all loose ends.
Use ribbon to close the top of the bag.


This post contains affiliate links, which I may be compensated for when you make a purchase. That means if you click on any link and buy from the linked websites, I will receive a small percentage of the value of your order. The amount you pay is not changed. Thank you for all your support in clicking the links in my blog!! You all are so amazing!! ~Nadia

The yarn provided for this pattern is courtesy of Red Heart Yarns


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